I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
