how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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