By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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