If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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