well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
