I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Bring me that man meat
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
