the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
