No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
