the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
