If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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