So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
