alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
