I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
