Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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