I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
