Old men and throwing up are my life now.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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