The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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