in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
