Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
