Duck Duck Cougar?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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