what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
