I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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