he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
