When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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