He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
