dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
