do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
