So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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