you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
