Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
