Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize