If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
