You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
