Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
