That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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