I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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