mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
