So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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