his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
