come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wear drunk well.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
