you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
