bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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