nut hugger
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
