like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
