Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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