I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
