I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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