I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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