I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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