I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
