you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sober January is a disaster.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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