There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
