youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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