You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
