I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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