Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
