He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
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I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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