all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
