That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
