How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
