i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
