I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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