I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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